If you've ever found it easier to open up to a chatbot than a person, you're not alone. And there's a reason for it. Friendships can be tricky. For some, we have this idea that our friends should agree with us all the time, or should see the world the exact same way we see it. Eventually, we realize it’s these differences in perspectives that make friendships unique and important. But learning how to build strong friendships during teenage years? This is where we tend to learn a lot about people, and about ourselves.

The UN Trade and Development reported that the AI market is projected to hit $4.8 trillion by 2033. And according to a software development company called Chatbot, over 987 million people worldwide (as of this writing) are using AI chatbots. What's less visible is how deeply AI companions have already embedded themselves in teens' daily lives — not just as homework helpers, but as something that feels a lot more like a friend. As Sue Thotz, Director of Outreach at Common Sense Media, puts it: "When we did our AI companions research, the thing that surprised me most was that over half of kids had already experienced AI companions. It's in your Instagram. It's in your Snapchat. It's everywhere. And I don't think adults necessarily realize that."

Meanwhile, in California, couple Matt and Maria Raine are suing OpenAI, alleging that its chatbot, ChatGPT, encouraged their son to take his own life. His name was Adam Raine, and he was only 16 years old. Thotz is direct about what Common Sense Media's research has found: "Not all AI is created the same. But those that are built to be companions, to replace humans, those are the ones we are the most concerned about."

Eric Schmidt, Google’s former CEO, once said, “The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't understand.” Today, it seems artificial intelligence is a close second.

So how is it that with the rise of social media, which was initially created to help us connect with each other, no matter the distance, teenagers tend to prefer talking to AI chatbots? And why is it that the loneliness epidemic in adolescence seems to be getting worse?

Chatbots versus humans

While there’s no singular, concrete answer as to why teens feel more compelled to use chatbots, clinical psychologist Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, says one of the possible main reasons is that “It’s right there, and it seems easy. … You know that they’re going to be, at least in the beginning, on your side, and it’s flattering.” The creator of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast also explains that the teenage years are “a time of trying to figure out who [you] are in the world, and how [you] relate to [your] peers.” She adds that this time can be difficult for some teens. Emotions can be intense, and AI and chatbots can be “easy and comforting and readily available.”

If you're a teen reading this: That pull toward something that simply agrees with you, never judges you, and is always available, it makes total sense. But it's worth knowing what you're actually getting.

Reaching out to chatbots can appeal to some because it’s more interactive than journaling. Chatbots respond, interact, and affirm. Diaries don’t. And while it sounds great to have something that affirms your feelings without having to talk to a real human being, it can be dangerous. Thotz puts it plainly: "It can tell you that it loves you. But it cannot love you. It does not have the capacity to love you." And for some teens, the world of more AI and more social media can actually mean more loneliness.

The loneliness epidemic in adolescence

“What we’re seeing is that platforms and chatbots are trained to keep you engaged, and keep you in conversation for as long as possible,” says Natalie Boll, founder of Tribela, a new social media platform designed for better and more intentional connections. The longer people engage, the more emotional attachment can form. And that’s by design.

But could AI and these chatbots have a potentially positive use for teenagers who are really struggling to connect? Maybe the bullied ones or the introverted ones?

Boll, who was also an introverted child, says chatbots can “in one way, be of help if you are very introverted and you don't have a lot of friends at school, or you're feeling very lonely, so you start having a relationship with a chatbot.” But she cautions that “the more you’re with humans, the more you’re in social circles, and the more you’re around psychological safety within peers, you can start to really understand how to be in relationships and you can work through your introvertedness and start to have relationships in person.”

Boll adds, based on surveyed individuals and her personal experience, “The more you draw back, the more you turn to technology and not actual human connection, the more you’re self-fulfilling the introverted feeling.” She explains that “The fear you have of being around people or that kind of awkwardness you feel around people will only get worse if you’re not in human relationships.”

Human connection, she says, is a skill. If you're not practicing it, the fear and awkwardness of being around people will only grow.

*"Bring your true self to the tech, rather than have tech tell you who you are."* — Sue Thotz, Common Sense Media

**Illustration by** **Cinta Fosch**

How does AI affect teens’ sense of friendship?

Dr. Kennedy-Moore reminds us that “there's no one way to be social” and that “American society tends to value a highly extroverted style of relating, but there's certainly room in the world for quieter ways of relating.” For both teens and adults, it can be helpful to think about what you love doing that could involve another person. That's often where real friendships actually start. Friendship doesn’t require grand gestures, only shared interests.

The good news is that AI hasn’t fully distorted teens’ perception of friendship just yet. According to Common Sense Media, half of their respondents (1,060 teens aged 13-17) say they distrust information or advice provided by AI companions, and 67% say they find conversations with AI companions less satisfying. An overwhelming 81% say they still prioritize human friends over AI companion interactions.

As Boll says, “I don't think we're there yet where it's gotten so drastic that we've completely taken apart in-person friendships.” She notes that countries, such as Germany, that are prioritizing outdoor, play-based childhoods and accessible third spaces for teens seem to be faring better, which is a signal worth paying attention to.

Dr. Kennedy-Moore reminds us that real relationships, including friendship, “inherently contain friction.” And when friends break your heart, that pain is real too, but so is the growth that comes after it. An AI companion is designed to affirm and agree, but as Dr. Kennedy-Moore says, “conflict is our opportunity to learn.” The awkward, complicated, sometimes frustrating parts of real friendship aren't a bug. They're actually how you figure out who you are.

Navigating AI alongside real connection

AI isn’t going anywhere. But Thotz says how we use it matters enormously: "Bring your true self to the tech, rather than have tech tell you who you are." Being present, supporting in-person connections, and guiding best-practice usage for smartphones can go a long way.

Dr. Kennedy-Moore says lectures don’t really work well with teenagers. Instead, she suggests approaching the conversation with curiosity, asking things like, “These phones were designed to connect us. But when I look at kids, when I pick them up from school or whatever, I see everybody on their phone. They’re not really talking to each other. What do you think about that?” She says that “if we can get it out of their lips, it's much more powerful than anything.”

Boll agrees: Open communication in a safe space is key.

Less screen time is also worth implementing. “When they don't have the phones, kids learn better and they talk to each other more,” says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. For home setups: If a kid has a bedtime, the devices should too. Boll underscores this, saying, “The longer they're on their device, no matter what they're doing, whether it’s a chatbot or social media, the longer they’re not with a real human connection.”

Where do we go from here?

Perhaps AI is not the enemy. “We need guardrails,” says Boll.

As Thotz says, "We need to build these strong human relationships to be able to support each other in this world of technology, when technology is not on our side."

As organizations and individuals continue to push for a safer AI, it's worth remembering that making new friends virtually is a real and valid option, as long as the humans are actually human. It helps when both teens and adults make an effort at home. “The warmth and acceptance at home are really important for kids. That's kind of their secure base,” says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. Friendship isn't just about finding people who agree with you. It's about figuring out what kind of person you want to be. And that only happens in real life, with real people.

The humans in your life will disagree with you sometimes, tell you hard truths, and occasionally let you down. That's not a flaw in the system. That's the whole point.

Stay tuned for our full interview with Sue Thotz of Common Sense Media.

Tammy Danan is a freelance journalist reporting on environmental and social issues. She's the founder of Moss Content Studio, a boutique agency focused on long-form storytelling, and a creative content writer who covers film & photography, creative pursuits, and the future of work, and how these overlap with our everyday lives.

Cinta Fosch