Loneliness in the internet age
Illustrations by Vanessa Lovegrove
by Adeline Chai
The internet makes it possible to connect with kindred spirits from around the world faster and more easily than ever before in history. While that creates a host of new challenges, such as digital overload, social media has saved so many from experiencing complete isolation in troubling times, such as the peak of COVID-19 global lockdowns. We’re still yearning to find a salve for the type of loneliness that the internet hasn’t been able to cure.
Building relationships and finding community goodness by seeking in-person opportunities (such as hobby-centered) is especially important for younger generations.
Loneliness was cited as “one of the most pressing public health concerns in Australia” even before the pandemic lockdowns. In 2018, Clinical Psychologist Dr. Michelle Lim found that 25% of Australians felt lonely “way above most people,” and amongst all age groups, those in the 18 to 25 age bracket felt the loneliest. As a member of Gen-Z, this doesn’t come as a surprise.
In America, a 2023 advisory by the U.S. Surgeon General called attention to a national “epidemic” of loneliness and social isolation. In an April 2025 American Psychological Association article, Mary Ann McCabe, PhD (clinical child and adolescent psychologist) said, “Adolescents are the most sensitive to social support. Their brains are developing with a really heightened need for peer belonging and validation.”
Growing up, I was involved in more niche communities on every social platform you could think of – and more than anything in real life. While the internet was a fun escape from the real world, especially as an introvert, I felt even lonelier as time went by. “When technology takes the place of in-person relationships, it has been found to increase loneliness and reduce well-being,” explains Jasmin Tahmaseb McConatha, professor of psychology at Westchester University. “It is helpful for online connectivity to supplement in-person relationships, but if relationships are maintained primarily online, they ultimately do not satisfy.”
The epiphany I experienced – knowing that digital connections simply couldn’t replicate the intimacy of in-person friendships – was the driving force of why I founded the Read Like Her Book Club in Sydney last year.
I was part of a larger trend: I began to watch the birth and blossoming of all kinds of clubs in my city, but more broadly, across the world. Gradually, there was a club for almost every hobby: run clubs, supper clubs, arts and crafts clubs, book clubs, and more.
As I began to dig deeper, I noticed a common thread that held all of our stories together. Most of these founders felt isolated from their peers in their twenties, so they took the initiative to bring people together through common interests that young adults usually share. Josh Pullinger, Hana Owens, and Emily D’Souza are avid readers who established a book club called HardBack Out Here Books for Your 20s in London because they were craving in-person experiences.
Illustrations by Vanessa Lovegrove
“Reading is a solitary activity – you read a book, then you put it down and leave it,” says Pullinger, who, through the book club, wanted to change this by using books as conversation starters for people to connect.
Brigid McCormack, founder of Difficult Women Book Club in Edinburgh, echoes their thoughts. “I appreciate that the book club is such a safe space for people to share their thoughts on different books each month,” McCormack says, saying that it’s “a vulnerable thing to do. Speaking to the wider purpose of the Difficult Women Book Club, I'm really happy that a space exists where women can share their thoughts and opinions outside of the wider context of men and patriarchy.”
Psychologist Samantha Stein, Psy.D. says that feeling a sense of belonging to a bigger social group is essential for our psychological well-being. “When we’re part of a community, we have people to talk and connect with,” writes Stein. “This can help us to feel less alone — and therefore less stressed — as well as help us feel we’re part of something larger than ourselves.”
For Sophia McIntyre, Ghosts by Dolly Alderton was the final nail in the coffin that prompted her to start Club Sup, a London supper club that facilitates the bonding of strangers over a meal. The book details the cruelty of modern dating culture – the internet allowing such freedom that people could just disappear from each other’s lives if they decided that they didn’t want a difficult conversation. Having just moved to Melbourne from Queensland herself, McIntyre wanted to create a space where people “have no choice other than to be real,” adding, “Our modern world is completely geared to embrace the individual, and we don’t have the community that our parents’ generation maybe had access to.”
Co-director of Sydney University’s Brain and Mind Centre, professor Ian Hickie reverberates her point, saying that older people have been “healthier and participatory for much longer.” “There’s more disruption and disconnection in society and its most adverse impact has been on young people and their development,” Hickie says. “This is an international phenomenon in developed countries where life expectancy and wealth have increased and there is no mutual responsibility to take care of each other within family groups or communities. Because you can buy the services you need, you can be completely non-participatory in your local community.”
Participating in a community also delivers long-term benefits. Members seem to grow lasting and stable relationships with one another that carry into their day-to-day lives. Kaitlyn Stevenson, a member of my book club, had just moved to Sydney not long before she discovered the book club on TikTok and wanted to make new friends. Having been involved in theater previously, she says that the book club replicates its warm and welcoming environment but goes further to allow more intimate friendships. “Within theater, we were all friends during the production, but once it was completed, we merely became distant supporters on socials afterwards,” says Kaitlyn. “Whereas the difference with Read Like Her is that we have gone beyond the meetings and created long-term friendships.”
Many people seem to find communities the same way Kaitlyn did. For Victoria Okafor, who co-runs Between2Books in the UK, social media has helped increase the visibility of their book club. “People may be looking for a book club or come across your page accidentally, but from there, people have the knowledge to attend should they wish,” Okafor told The Guardian. “I think this makes a big difference compared with just hearing things from word of mouth.”
While the internet might not have completely eliminated the feelings of loneliness that most of us eventually experience, we can use it as a tool to expand our real-life networks by getting involved in communities. Nextdoor (the world’s largest network to connect with your neighbors) and MeetUp (a site where you can find social groups to join locally or start your own) are helpful digital resources for anyone looking to meet like-minded people in their area.
Everyday responsibilities often get in the way of pursuing new connections, but nurturing a caring and supportive community is vital – and it can help us better navigate our demands, one day at a time.
Psychologist Samantha Stein, Psy.D. says that feeling a sense of belonging to a bigger social group is essential for our psychological well-being. “When we’re part of a community, we have people to talk and connect with,” writes Stein. “This can help us to feel less alone — and therefore less stressed — as well as help us feel we’re part of something larger than ourselves.”
Adeline Chai is a Sydney-based writer from Malaysia. She is a Social Media and Content Creator at 1 Million Women as well as a freelance writer for international and local publications specialising in music and mental health including Good Guys Press, Futuremag Music, and Medicinal Media.
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