Sense of purpose is good for mental health…(and dating)
Illustration by Ruby Ash
Having a purpose in life has been known to lower levels of depression and anxiety. It’s also been seen to bolster resilience and make emotional recovery easier. But it’s not just mental health that purpose impacts positively, but dating too.
A 2024 study found that dating app profiles that show a sense of purpose were rated higher on various scales for attractiveness than profiles that indicated no sense of purpose.
"When it comes to attraction, knowing someone has a direction matters," said Patrick Hill, an associate professor of psychological and brain sciences in Arts & Sciences and one of the study’s authors, in an interview. “We actually seek out people with a purpose,” he added.
Could living your purpose be the key to lasting well-being and a long-lasting relationship? We dove further into the research and asked some experts.
What does a sense of purpose mean, exactly?
“Having a sense of purpose means you know yourself and your mission for your life,” explains Jason Phillips, licensed therapist and certified life coach. According to Phillips, this translates into increased confidence and waking up looking forward to the day. “When someone has purpose, they often experience heightened satisfaction, unwavering focus, and pleasant demeanor,” he adds.
Put another way, Gloria Zhang, a therapist and relationship coach explains purpose as “revealing the true heart of who someone really is, and what they truly care about.”
When your purpose isn’t aligned with your job and what you do every day, it can often lead to misalignment burnout. One can also assume that relationship burnout could happen by dating someone who doesn’t align with one's purpose. Let’s dive into how to avoid that when swiping.
How a sense of purpose affects dating prospects
The 2024 study was actually built upon an earlier 2022 study by the same authors, which found that people driven by purpose are more inclined to enter and commit to a relationship rather than stay single. The earlier study also found that being involved in a high-quality relationship contributes to a heightened sense of purpose, emphasizing the value of having a partner who supports you in fulfilling your purpose.
“Finding love is ultimately about feeling safe inside a connection,” says Zhang. "A person with a sense of purpose is more attractive when it comes to dating because it suggests that they are dependable and could make a great partner.”
There are multiple ways to look at purpose, and the 2024 study identified four specific elements:
Prosocial means someone with goals related to helping others
Relationship orientation means goals are centered around family and finding a romantic partner
Financial orientation is goals related to financial security
Creative orientation is goals focused on creativity and originality
Let's look at how to emphasize each on your online dating profile to make a (purposeful) match.
by Ruby Ash
How to express your purpose on your profile:
Relationship. Be clear on what you’re looking for (apps like Hinge and Bumble provide ranges from casual or life partner—pick what you really want!) and consider including “green flags” in your profile prompt(s) to give a sense of what you look for in a romantic partner.
Prosocial. If there’s a cause you’re especially involved in, include that in one of your profile prompt(s). For example, “The one thing you should know about me is…I strive to live an eco-friendly lifestyle” or “I won’t shut up about…human rights.” (Based on Hinge prompts.)
Creative. Yes, your job is typically on your profile, but you are more than your job. Include photos of you working on your hobbies (like playing with pottery) or prompts about your passion projects (like building an app that makes first dates easier—because wouldn’t that be nice) to show how you express yourself creatively.
Financial. Consider including photos that give a peek into what you spend your money on. This could be a photo from a recent vacation, a cultural experience, a swanky bar, a sporting activity, or a humble setting. (It’s worth noting that a study found that financially focused profiles did not rate as high as the other categories. Sometimes, it was a turn-off if the other person was not financially oriented.)
Finding your purpose
Maybe you’re reading this and don’t quite know your purpose or know how to live your purpose. This feeling might be frustrating, but you wouldn’t be alone, and it doesn’t mean you’ll wind up alone. It just means that you may want to take some time to find your purpose alongside finding your partner.
“There may be things that you think are your purpose, yet you’ve been hesitant to lean into them because of limiting beliefs, external pressure, or others' expectations of you,” explains Phillips. Take time to understand your priorities, carve out moments of solitude to reduce distractions, and actively listen to your inner voice to gain clarity on your true purpose.”
Phillips suggests using apps like Calm to create space for positive thinking and clarifying your purpose, Happify to get support for stress reduction outside of conventional therapy settings, or finding podcasts with purpose-driven discussions where you can gain insights. “These digital resources offer accessible avenues to explore and nurture your sense of purpose while prioritizing mental well-being,” says Phillips.
If you want to go even deeper into cultivating purpose in your life, watch this 45-minute interview with the studies author, Dr. Gabrielle Pfund (and be prepared to take notes).
Sonya Matejko adores writing words and helping people find them(selves). As a writer, poet, author, and founder, she uses words to make people feel seen and heard (and does so using the Oxford comma). Her writing has appeared in The Atlantic, Forbes, Business Insider, HuffPost, Yoga Journal, and more, and will soon appear on bookshelves with Everlasting Spring, her debut poetry collection (Yorkshire Publishing, January 21, 2025). Sonya is also the founder of Nurtured Narratives, a writing services company rooted in wellness, where she helps brands and female founders tell their stories (well).
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