Facing food anxiety during the holidays
Art by Chau Luong
by Summer Tao
Summer Tao has a Masters in Psychology and is currently pursuing a PhD focused on LGBTQ+ healthcare in South Africa. Summer’s writing often covers topics including queer relationships, sexual health, tabletop gaming, and humor.
The festive period should be a clarion call to rest and celebration. It's a time to meet loved ones in a shared space of comfort and warmth. A chance to set down our responsibilities and direct our attention to family, both born and found. There's also food. Not just eating, but feasting. That's a keystone holiday activity.
That's what the marketing team tells us, anyway. Increasingly, the holidays entail increased activity and stress, rather than just relaxation. Nearly half of Americans in one survey reported that the holidays were more stressful than other times of the year. These experiences have been attributed to travel anxiety, finances, family dynamics, and disturbances to routine.
Food isn't exempt from holiday stress. Meeting relatives after time apart draws out the unsolicited remarks. It often includes a verbal appraisal of our bodies since the last meeting, and whether we've changed for “better” or ”worse.” For the record, my appraisals always end with a sub-par grade and an instruction to “eat more.” I've gotten used to it.
Licensed Mental Health Counselor Kristie Tse says that, "The holiday season often disrupts regular eating habits and overall wellness, primarily due to the emotional complexities associated with food during family gatherings. The pressure to meet others' expectations can lead to heightened anxiety, inadequacy, and frustration regarding meal choices, particularly for those with dietary restrictions."
These stressors include the context that surrounds holiday meals. Everything happens in a period of travel and frenetic scheduling (often in adverse weather). After arriving, holiday activities can devolve into a cavalcade of obligations with little time to cool off. These sudden changes in environment and scheduling can be disruptive to the routines we've established for our stability.
To that, Tse says, "The challenges posed by travel—such as adjusting to new time zones and unfamiliar cuisines—can further destabilize established routines. It's critical to recognize that these experiences are not solely about food, but also the accompanying emotions like guilt and shame that may intensify during this period."
The outward manifestations of these stressors are diverse. People get agitated at family gatherings or clam up. Some people seal off their emotions until they feel safe to expel them – usually painfully. Eating disruptions happen to many people, especially those of us with known eating disorders.
Registered Dietician Catherine Gervacio sees this often, saying that "I always observe people not eating during the day thinking that they can "save room" for a big meal later. This, in fact, leads to overeating, especially when they arrive at the event feeling hungry. Another is binge-eating, which is consuming large amounts of food in a short period, often beyond the point of feeling full, then feeling guilty afterwards."
Gervacio also describes the relationship between stress and eating as emotional eating, such as when, "food is used to cope with stress, loneliness, even happiness, or other heightened emotions."
These complexities culminate in the disconnection between what holidays should be like versus what they are. The holidays present a constellation of life disruptions alongside happiness, which can be highly destabilizing. Our eating habits respond to this by becoming vehicles for how we handle those stressors.
Despite the added complexity, it's very possible to resist disruptions and enjoy our time off. Tse notes the importance of intuition, saying, "Changes in the timing of meals can create unease, with some individuals feeling unprepared for unexpected food options. Emotional cues are also prominent—heightened feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame often surface, particularly when facing family dynamics or social settings. It's important to listen to these feelings; they can indicate that a person is experiencing internal conflict around food."
She also highlights a number of practical recommendations, including asserting boundaries about what and when you eat, and remembering that it's acceptable to decline a dish or gathering that is overwhelming.
These are supported by Gervacio's assurance that it's "common for people to experience some level of food-related anxiety during the holidays due to changes in routine, social pressures, and the abundance of food. However, if the anxiety significantly impacts daily functioning or leads to disordered eating behaviors, it may be worth seeking advice from a healthcare professional."
Feeling trapped in a culinary tarpit when the holidays roll up is far from abnormal. Stable eating and sleep are often the first to depart when we're distressed. I've babysat my eating disorder for almost a decade, and the heightened stress of family gatherings still persists. Although experiencing some disruption to eating as a result of stress is normal, it's prudent to keep an eye on our food-related stress responses. They tell us a lot about our vulnerabilities and needs, and where we can adjust.
After all, our boundaries and well-being deserve to be upheld, even when our stress response says otherwise.
Other articles of interest: Struggling during the holiday season; Post-holiday blues